I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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