Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
