its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
