One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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