I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
