my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
