oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
