I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize