what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
