u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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