guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
