allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
