i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
