So drunk its hurt
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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