Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
