I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize