there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
