He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
