My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
