i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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