I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
