Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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