I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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