does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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