I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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