dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
