cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
