I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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