I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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