Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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