Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize