just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
