Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my mouth tastes like poor choices
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
