Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
