All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my shit smells like andre
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
