i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
