she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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