I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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