Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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