I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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