i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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