I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
