The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
