I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
