the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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