all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
