I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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