it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
