so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
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i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
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Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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