my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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