You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
