I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
