Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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