sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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