butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
