i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
