Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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