Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
