im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
