Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
