i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I take back everything I said about communal showers
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
