Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
where are you?
Hypothermia
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
