they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Sober January is a disaster.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
