i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
