Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
