hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
