Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
