We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
