When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
