dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We named our party play list daddy issues
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
