Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
