This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize